Chore distribution reddit. The dude wasn't rich by any mark.

Chore distribution reddit A place for sharing the for-better and for-worse of marriage. Laundry is about 50/50, for example. Reply reply I’m more of the “if it’s at the point where I notice it, then I do it” sort of chore person. From time to time my wife makes snide remarks about the distribution of household chores between us. The biggest thing I see here on reddit seems to be about chore distribution. My husband and I work the same number of hours, I work from home though - and earn significantly less (although what I get is competitive for my role, he's in a start-up and totally skyrocketed). He tends to do the dishes and mowing because I hate those. 3 hours of this that is his share of chores) and tell him clearly how much it hurts that you never go to bed together. Both sons & daughters should have a fair share of chores and should both know how to survive as adults on their own! You wouldn't be the asshole for wanting a more equal distribution of chores in your household. He seemed to think the chore distribution was fair and that I was overreacting. It's still more than if I leave cleaning dishes and cleaning the house to my wife, based on observed chore Posted by u/BloodAggravating8433 - 7 votes and 5 comments I just feel like earning more (let alone the only one earning) should get some merit in chore distribution. 43M subscribers in the AskReddit community. She does 95% of laundry and light housekeeping. I got one box of chore boy that was the brand name unopened box with that brittle stuff. We have the exact same stressful job but he has adhd and struggles to focus. The night of the bullshit we'd had an argument about the distribution of chores that I think triggered it. That's a shitload of chore time. I work seven days a week, so my girlfriend does minimal house chores on the weekends while I handle everything during the week. 10M subscribers in the relationship_advice community. In your shoes, if you want your marriage to work, I would first, work on chore distribution (Fair Play cards worked wonders for my wife and I), and second seek out couples counselling. Does your husband play with or read to your child while you do the dishes so you can zen out, being grateful you have good food that made those dirty dishes, or do you have to stop every 5 minutes to tend to them? hi guys! i (27m) work a FULL TIME job thats 38 hours per week. He has 4 day weekends because of his class schedule and doesn’t work, but is also going through depression. You either have to play booring net deck-meta, or put in a lot of hours trying to beat the meta, rather than playing fun jank decks. Why anyone downvoted me for saying that its unfair that only you and your sister do chores is pretty ridiculous though. Just because some people are able to do chores while working from home does NOT mean everyone is able to do that when people work from home. I constantly feel guilty about not contributing financially so do everything else for our family except managing the finances. Trust me it will cut down on the big surface area ones. The tragedy is that this is ripe for actual experimentation: take some couples who have divvied-up chores and randomly assign half of them to start helping each other It’s time for her to come up with a list of chores she will do daily, weekly and monthly. How do you manage the chores in a way that feels fair and reduces conflict? TL;DR: My spouse and I, both with demanding jobs, are struggling with chore distribution and keeping our house tidy, impacting my OCD tendencies and our family life. Has to be done by yesterday… NTA If chore distribution is based on availability, she is more available now and should do more chores. If it is not, then she should do 50/50 100% of the time Reply reply 2)Uneven chore distribution. Posted by u/Frosty-Dark7335 - No votes and no comments I've been dead tired of constantly arguing about chore distribution. My husband is a carpenter. Hire people to design and release software, and build assembly lines to manufacture hardware, so you can defeat the simulated competition and take over their businesses. If it turns out that you and your wife are beyond repair, a good therapist can help you decouple in a way that is minimally harmful to your daughter and sets her It will lead to divorce anyway because at some point chores will fall behind, more fights will happen about chore distribution, etc. For example today I was leaving to get a haircut and wasn't sure if I'd get back in time to take the kids to a playdate. Anyway, I think it's quite likely this cart has come before the horse. We're both in agreement that this isn't fair and needs to change. Then the next time I got another box of chore that was (name brand) the original good stuff. More posts you may like r/AskMen. Resentment=relationship killer. He works more than I do, so some days I do more chores. Kitchen and bathrooms are usually the trickiest to allocate chores. I thought it wasn't fair that I was doing the majority of the housework, on top of being a full time student at university and having a job. So I come from a line of very independent women - my mother and sister are doctors and I am a business and economics student. Nobody just decides to be a gambling, gaming, porn or shopping addict they do it because their life kinda sucks in other ways and they like how they feel when they hit a win, find a deal, get something nice, see the numbers on the screen go up, see naked people, whatever. before a few weeks ago, we would eat dinner separately since our sleep schedules didnt align due to my hectic work schedule. We both have always worked full time jobs, but he has always made more money than me and thus pays a larger chunk of our bills. It helps to talk about chore distribution and pet peeves in a calm/positive way (before resentment builds). Edit: also this: Like i mentioned before i hardly am out there, therefore I dont have a good understanding of what has been cleaned/what needs to be cleaned. Agreed, dont know why people bother going plat or higher. Only situation I can imagine where an adult could expect to not do any chores is a childless couple where one stays home as the home maker. He says he simply does not have time or energy to do I have been struggling to have a fair distribution of chores with my partner. Just the other day there was a reddit discussion about chore distribution and some dude claimed he spent up to 10 hours a week managing their stocks and that that was his chore. We would like to show you a description here but the site won’t allow us. I have a daily chore list and then weekly chores divided into Mon-Wed and Thu-Fri. I wonder if that might be a productive next step now that you've identified you're not happy with the distribution and he's identified he doesn't like the chores he's assigned. Yes. The dude wasn't rich by any mark. Socializing. At the time it seemed fair, and I thought that the distribution of chores was equal, but lately when I ask her why she hasn’t done a specific chore (such as cleaning the cats’ litter boxes) she just apologizes and says she’ll do it now. To put it simply, our house is filthy, but my parents don’t see that. Of course! My partner tries to pull this BS with me once in a while. It is extremely normal for people to do chores to maintain their home every day. My husband is a very involved husband and father and is truly a wonderful partner. Say, "I'm sorry if I appeared lazy; I really thought I was doing my fair share. It isn’t just not having a life and expecting a woman to provide one. It will bind you legally and financially, and you'll save on taxes. Because if you aren't expressing need for something as simple as flowers you're definitely not having adult conversations about money, chore distribution, in-laws, scheduling, religion, politics, etc. I gave them a couple of my chores but my wife never did because she wants them to be free to be kids. Grossly unbalanced chore distribution is right on Reply reply More replies. Does he help with the household chores other than the pool? If not, then she has every right to not be helping with this one thing Take a minute to calm down, and then talk to your roommates again and come to an agreement with them about the chore distribution. And you're too proud to admit you're wrong even though you're divorc Yes, for a lot of people addictions (the non physical kind, I'm not talking about heroin lol) start out as coping strategies. I worked at McDonald's as the average high school employee in the late 80s, and breaking down boxes was such a regular part of the job that I still remember, that when a friend's kid got a job there recently I said "have fun breaking down boxes!" Sounds like the manager in that place wasn't on top of that part of the chore distribution. Also some are asking on the household chore distribution, we haven’t really spoken on who does what, but I typically do the everyday chores just because I DO have more time, I don’t mind doing that, also if I asked and she told me she didn’t want to make dinner I wouldn’t blame her, nor force her to obviously, I’m mainly just I have a list of chores, a list of people to assign them to, and want to obey these complication but common restrictions in the assignments: The algorithm should be able to produce a chore chart for an entire calendar month, not just one week at a time. This seems really simple to me, like it could mean, household chore distribution, 50/50 split on bills or other arrangement, ways you engage with your partner. 🤣 What is the "most fair" household chores distribution for a couple where one works full time and the other does not work outside the house? Say it's a couple with one child. I live with my boyfriend but we don't divide chores - everything on the list just gets done when the list is visible. The chore distribution does seem very inequitable which results in resentment. (Getty Feb 28, 2024 · Reddit users debated whether it was fair for one person to hire a cleaner for their half of the household chores. I also want to be tactful about it because i don't want my partner getting the impression that I'm chickening out, I just feel like people usually have discussions about it and don't wanna feel unprepared. Finances, sex, children, beliefs (religion/politics), and misc goals/expectations (travel frequency, chore distribution, etc). Things like us feeling like the chore distribution isn’t equal, that he didn’t enjoy a trip we went on recently because it didn’t meet his expectations in terms of how much time I would spend with him (I was working for parts of it) and how much money we spent, and Second, if you do want to stay, maybe the three of you should sit down and discuss even chore distribution. he still struggles with doing chores, which i get because having to do something you don't want to do is physically painful. We don’t read the rules, but we’ll post I want to preface this by stating that this has absolutely nothing to do with chore distribution. r/AskMen. Suggest that maybe one or two days off he can play, but at the same time you will be pursuing your hobbies and neither of you will be doing chores in that time. If you feel irritated or angry, collect your thoughts, and talk to him when you've calmed down. Fair distribution of household chores and parenting responsibilities? My (44F) husband (41M) and I have two sons, ages 8 and 10. If you are, and it sounds like it in your post, the baby’s primary caregiver then you should NOT also be doing 90% of the household chores. We don’t really divide the chores. Holding in resentment/disdain for a partner is something that children can surprisingly quickly pick up on, so it’s best to nip that in the bud and gently suggest that you’re feeling overwhelmed with your current system and if she could help you out with a few things. It's more the idea of "50/50" where we make sure household chores are evenly distributed and there is balance in our relationship. For example, if chore distribution is an issue, 5s would enjoy creating systems and your daughter might have some insights into how to make chores work for everyone given their preferences and overall parameters around the family's goal. Do not let things fester. Having the chores you're permanently responsible for has helped us. I think teaching gendered chores ends up in an unequal chore distribution because having the men & boys take care of the trash & outdoor chores is not the same as cooking, cleaning, shopping, laundry, pet & child care, etc. Especially people with kids (because house is in need of much more frequent maintenance). And for the most part, our philosophy is that whoever cares the most about X gets to do it, so there have been times I mowed the lawn and times that he dusted. Now besides burnout I am a student and work part time. Not mbti related but don't know where else to post so whatever. For her and many folks with adhd, morning is the least productive time and most of their motivation comes at night. I’m the main cook in the household since he does other chores and doesn’t like to cook, and I don’t really want to cook every single day (I like doing leftovers). I'm 'the cook' and when I'm going full blast it can easily be 20-40 hours per month, depending. Because chores are not intuitive to him, I have assigned him chores to do to make sure he does at least some of his share around the house. They suggest determining household chores and agreeing on a cleaning schedule, asking questions about daily, weekly, and monthly tasks. Maybe seeing it physically (and in color!) will help. I also do major cleaning chores laundry etc. Posted by u/Friendly_Sea8570 - 1 vote and no comments And I made a detailed list of who does what chore. Eventually butt hurt feelings develop. If I take you at your word here and the only issue is you want compensation from your uneven chore distribution, I would suggest hiring laundry, cleaning, cooking services etc and pay those bills equally. Have you tried having a conversation with them about chore distribution? Most of the time the best way to solve these problems is through a simple discussion, not ranting on the UC Davis subreddit. It’s also things like chore distribution, the orgasm gap, and the empathy gap. I think poly marriages really only work (if ever) if there are no kids involved My wife and I split the chores early on in our marriage 50/50. home upkeep It seems like you have a really reasonable position and a discussion about chore distribution may be in order. Also finding ways to make chores you hate easier could help. We have been arguing a lot about chore distribution recently. My husband and I both just do what needs doing. I just got scolded by my manager: He wanted me to report all the minutae of want comprises my weekly work; Since I had just typed: MY JOB. Did all the stuff that keeps a child alive and healthy. my wife (23f) isnt currently working and so does most of the housework. I’m hoping to take on less chores but my roommate wants to split them 50/50. So I asked her, "if I'm not back in time, can you take them". The list is on fridge so I can check it easily. It’s not like I gave them a bunch. Occasionally someone's pet peeves are impractical to avoid, and a compromise needs to be formed. His argument is that me doing all the chores is my contribution to the household, considering he is the primary income earner. Jul 28, 2024 · One chore per sem doesn’t really work. Chore distribution and chore timeframe, Visitor preferences (including family) Bed time rituals and times Sexual expectations (moving in will change your sexual dynamic so a frank conversation about what you both think this will look like) What solo time do you each need and what does that look like. Ultimately, it's up to your parents to decide how to handle the situation, but it's reasonable for you to advocate for a more equitable distribution of chores within your family. I'm an ikumen OG. I found the fair play cards to be helpful in identifying what all goes into each chore. I have a vague idea of what (like boundaries and chore distribution) but I'm lost at the specifics or how to even start the conversation. I'm less interested in mechanics to make chore distribution "fair" than I am in chore distribution that will help the person most capable and best positioned to do a task in any given situation to get over their hurdle and get it done. Our elderly dog… If she also contributes to household chores that are equitable to what you do, then yes, you have more time than her. I don’t see anything wrong with that. I do all the housecleaning, cooking for all of us including his stepson that lives with us, washing dishes, doing groceries, taking care of the cat, etc. Don't try to live outside of your means together. Chore distribution. I understand she spends time commuting, which is why I take care of all the chores on weekdays. Construct and design buildings for optimal working conditions. It’s rare where the couple makes exactly the same, has the same savings, and same student debt etc. bless her heart, shes You need to sit down with your husband and redo your chore distribution. As long as you and your husband are both in agreement for your chore distribution, and no one is mad that things are going undone which they feel need to be done, then you don’t need an actual schedule. Of course it's not "50/50" all the time because if one of us is sick or overloaded with work, then one spouse Welcome to the Mensa Reddit community, where people from all walks of life are welcome to converse about anything relating to living beyond the 98th percentile. 5 years, have had some issues lately but nothing I think that isn’t fixable. If she finds it too onerous to do this, she needs to get a job. It's reasonable to discuss this with your parents. tl;dr: My "I'll do it when I feel like it" is not valid. 662K subscribers in the Marriage community. This was our chore distribution Me: I attempted chores+ getting ready + working out between 6:30 am and 9 am Includes: dishes, floors, tidying, dusting, organizing, cleaning bathroom and kitchen My Partner: He did this throughout the week as needed Cooking, meal planning, grocery shopping, garbage/recycling, laundry, and misc. Looking for advice on managing chores fairly and reducing conflict. Indeed, with the judgmental connotations of the word "fair" I'd prefer to avoid that concept entirely if possible. The fact is that you're not married and you shouldn't be creating bank accounts together and you should each be contributing 50% of something that you can both afford. One Reddit user sparked a debate on the platform after admitting to hiring outside Dec 5, 2024 · Eve Rodsky and Jacqueline Misla provide a guide on how to fairly split domestic work with a partner or roommate. And OP is right - if he was working in an office NOBODY would be expecting him to be doing chores during his break times. He’s also quite picky and doesn’t like a lot of flavors, vegetables, or nuts (for no real reason) so it’s difficult for him to find easy sources of protein he likes. Do the same allocate by week. Money and budget. I try not to do heavier chores on weekends. Some people are spenders, some are savers. But we’re both of the opinion that we are grown adults and don’t need a chore chart. Distribution of household chores: how to get my husband to help me around the house? I F(30) have been w/ my partner M(32) for 12 years. Posted by u/Valarros - No votes and 9 comments Show how much time you spend doing his share (eg. I would ask her to make a list but she correctly responded that its not her responsibility to make me a list. Get your major value clashes/compatibilities out of the way as soon as possible. r/AskReddit is the place to ask and answer thought-provoking questions. i go through that regularly but i have no choice but to power through it. I would always have said that I wanted a truly egalitarian relationship, but when my wife and I moved in together, we started bickering a lot. Need help with your relationship? Whether it's romance, friendship, family, co-workers, or… Distribution of Chores/Tasks Husband works 40hrs/wk at local hotel front desk, I don't work. For say vacuuming or mopping, vaccum or wipe when you spill something. I've heard it mentioned quite a number of times that a good thing to do is to think about what you have to offer a partnership. My boyfriend (30M) and I (31F) together 3. Posted by u/ThrowRA49829383 - 4 votes and 20 comments It's not a rigid distribution. I do 95% of dishes, cooking, meal prep and grocery shopping. Hm. Put everything you do and everything she does each on separate post-it notes with different colors. When he isn’t helpful with cleaning up a party or some mess that is outside of our regular chore distribution, I will often just clean it and then end up being “too tired” for tv time together and just go to bed. Give her input on a fair distribution of that labor. You brother and mom are getting taken care, but you and your sister are not maids and should not be the only ones doing stuff around the house. It really comes down to the total amount of time. He should be able to make meals and clean up the house too. I cook more because I’m better at it. Just say the two of you need to find time to sit down and discuss chore distribution: you know she’s working hard, but so are you, and things don’t feel balanced right now. He really likes it when we lay down together and watch tv or a movie. We made certain chores "permanent chores" . I just apologized to our participants and let them know that what we had in the kits was not ideal. how to have even chores distribution? Questions/Advice both my husband and i have adhd, and are medicated for it. If she throws some kind of fit over that, you’ve got even bigger problems that also need to be addressed instead of tiptoeing around them. Sep 12, 2021 · He asks Reddit followers: "Is cooking and organising really that much work where this is an even distribution?" The man feels his wife's demands when it comes to chores are unreasonable. This usually comes up when I ask her for some kind of favor. Even though my parents are both equally qualified and work almost the same number of hours, I have always noticed unequal distribution of chores between them. Our 10 yo was recently diagnosed with ADHD which was no great surprise to anyone except my husband and his parents who always said that my husband was just the same growing up (with the assumption that that must mean I’m an adult, still living at home because I can’t afford rent. In my experience (with my ex wife dx, so take my anecdote with a grain of sand) chore distribution got easier when I acknowledged that she WASN’T a morning person like me and it was unreasonable of me to expect that. Break times SHOULD be for trying to mentally recenter and taking an actual break I think distribution of chores is much more important than anything she bothered to mention. I would suggest a compromise. And then there’s the challenge of defining what is a “good job” on said chores. Currently one of us does about 80% of the chores and one of us does the other 20%. Last year, my husband (35m) and I (33f) bought a house that needed a few renovations. When we had kids and they became old enough we started them on an allowance and talked about giving them chores to do to earn it. But generally speaking, the chores we tend to gravitate toward are the ones traditionally associated with our gender. . So AITA for expecting him to do even more chores because I'm more particular about things getting done and tecnically wfh and have the time to do them anyway? I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. i like to help on the weekends with laundry and stuff because she has a limit on how much she can lift (pregnant). Option 1: Each chore is assigned a contribution to the family. It either gets unfair or mundane. What is the adequate house chords distribution for someone working full time (40 hours a week) and the other staying at home. If you're doing every other chore, then it may not be even. He is an only child to a single mother who spoiled him and did everything for him including cooking, cleaning, laundry, etc. Can we come up with a plan for the housework so that everyone is doing a relatively equal part?" Then see what you can come up with. Figure out if one person is better than the other at a particular chore, regardless of gender, for instance I'm better than my wife at sewing but my wife is better than me at budgeting, then that person can take care of that chore. I do. Agree to a post dated vacation later in the year, on the condition that in the meantime you guys get counselling, and implement changes to the things you mentioned (chore distribution, date nights, etc). The current distribution isn't fair to you and your sister. If you do lean into the first option, then marriage is the move. If you wanted a truly equitable chore distribution you could probably just come up with a chore list/schedule. However, we have different opinions on what the distribution equation should include. 1. Each chore is on a certain frequency distribution over the month. Tell her she is responsible for dinner, which includes planning and cleanup, three four nights a week. Reading our rules is mandatory, and your questions may be answered in our wiki. He leaves stuff everywhere around the house and I pick up after him. I’ve seen that as advice to point out glaring issues with chore distribution, but I bet it would work to point out the glaring awesomeness of your distribution too. I do 99% of all chores: from caring for our pets (one of which is a young puppy that he asked for and agreed to help with, and hasn't), laundry, cooking and cleaning. Daily things take about 20 minutes and include: They will also have less reason to lawyer the chore distribution--that is a symptom of a breakdown of trust. It's a chore. We both work full time, but besides work he doesnt have any other responsibilities. For some chores we share, like doing the dishes, but other chores are "owned" by one of us, like I do the laundry while my husband takes out the trash. zkynw aaxxek yislyyp xqdqqcr wqhdcpq vgmezlr gnqn fie cty iod